9 weeks

Just when I was starting to feel silly about taking weekly pictures because they have all looked more or less the same… holy moly, look at that gut!  I will admit that this dress is unflattering under normal circumstances unless you are feeling your absolute slimmest – but wow, there is no denying that I am looking more convex in the midsection.

This has been a rather uneventful week, and I mean that in the most grateful, Lord-please-don’t-strike-me-with-morning-sickness way.  And since all of the important people in my life have been informed of our news, I don’t have any fun videos right now either.  Enter the pregnancy survey!! …  a fun little way to document the details that I would surely forget if I didn’t write them down.  Here we go.

How far along? 9 weeks and 3 days.

Baby's size? Lovebug is the size of a grape! About 1 inch long!

Weight Gain? As far as my home scale says, still zero.

I certainly notice a change in my stomach though.   Although baby is only grape-sized… my uterus has grown to grapefruit-sized!  It makes for some uncomfortable sitting in buttoned pants.

Maternity clothes? Unnecessary at this point.  But I’m not really looking forward to the day where I have to give in.  Everything I have seen is either hideous or too expensive to justify.  My plan is to live in non-maternity empire-waisted maxi dresses.  Naturally, they are nowhere to be found in stores at the moment.

Stretch marks? No. But I have been slathering on the Mustela Ultimate Hydration lotion for moms-to-be.  I want to get my skin prepped for what’s in store.  And thankfully, it doesn’t smell like cocoa butter (which I’ve always had an aversion to).

Sleep? I don’t want to go jinxing myself or anything – but I have been sleeping so much better this week!  Praise the Lord!  I will say this though, it’s not as deep of a sleep as my pre-pregnancy days.  Which makes me wonder… Has my husband always woken up in the middle of the night to pee?  Or is he trying to encroach on my pregnancy symptoms?  Hahaha.  Maybe this is something he’s always done but I used to sleep right through it.  Not the case anymore!

Best moment this week? Um, I don't know yet.  I'll come back to edit this once the week is over.

Movement? Little Duff’s arms are long enough to bend at the elbow now and he/she may even respond to light and noise at this point!  Wow!  I can’t wait until I can actually feel it happening.

Food cravings? None.  All food is eaten and appreciated right now.  :)

Symptoms? Like I stated before, this has been an easy week!  I’ve only had that nagging grapefruit-sized-uterus bloated feeling [stop reading here if you don’t want to venture into the too much information zone] and wishing I would go #1 less and #2 more.

Gender? It’s too early to find out for sure.  But wives tales and myths are pointing to BOY.

What I miss? Feeling thin and Starbucks white mochas.

What I'm looking forward to? Our next doctor appointment on January 21^st.  I can’t even remember what she said will happen at this appointment, but any new information on how things are progressing is exciting.

Weekly Wisdom: I don't know.  Am I supposed to be getting wiser each week?  I feel dumber and more absent minded with each passing day.  :/

Milestones: Baby has graduated from embryo to fetus!

Emotions: It’s been a good week for my mental stability and I’m giving my improved sleeping 100% of the credit.  I conveniently left out my meltdown story from my week 8 post.  It occurred around 11pm when I had been trying to fall asleep for 2 hours with no success.  I became a cross between a scary monster and a two year old throwing a tantrum.  It was so bad I even scared myself.  Husband got a thousand apologies the next day.

8 weeks

First things first... "Denise, is that your wedding dress?"  Hehe.  Yes, it is.  We started clearing out the spare bedroom (which will now be the nursery), and my wedding dress was still hanging in that closet.  I have no idea where I will store it going forward, but something made me want to jump back into that lacie frock and spin around.  So that's just what I did.

This was an exciting week for me and my little embryo.  For starters, Baby Duffin is finally starting to take the shape of a baby.  There are all of these apps you can download on your iPad to follow along with the growth of your baby.  You see exactly what they look like at each stage.  Well, up until week 8, my little love looked more like a snail or some other sea dwelling creature… but now, he/she is actually kinda cute!

This was also the week where I made my most exciting announcement of all - telling my best friends the news.  I had every intention of telling them on New Years Eve but I just never found the right moment.  It turns out I get really nervous every time I try to say the words “I’m pregnant!” out loud.  So with all of the other distractions of New Years Eve, it was easy to just clam up and wait for a different opportunity in the future.

You may be wondering “Why would telling your friends be more exciting than telling your parents?”  Well, that’s a great question and here’s a little bit of the back story.  As you may recall, Bobby and I tried for 2.5 years before successfully conceiving our child.  And as a group of newly married girls who get together on a weekly basis to hang out and catch up, you’d better believe that they knew from day one that the “trying” began.  As the months and years passed these girls were the only ones I shared our struggle with.  A few things were mentioned to our parents along the way… but overall, I just didn’t want to worry them with the fact that we might never give them a grandchild.  So these ladies were the listening ears and the hugging arms and the supportive words that surrounded me during this sometimes scary and sometimes sad period of time.  It got a little trickier (I’m sure for all of us) when one by one, they all became pregnant themselves within a span of 6 months.  It’s not easy to walk through baby stores or maternity stores or attend baby showers when your heart is aching for a child of your own.  But let’s be real.  These are my BEST friends and how could I be anything but overjoyed for them and the exciting changes happening in their lives.  And conversely, on their side of the fence, how much would it suck to feel like you had to tip-toe around joyous topics of conversation in order to be sensitive to your one “unpregnant” friend?  My hope of all hopes is that I never made any of them feel that way. 

But the bottom line is - I knew these girls wanted this for me just as badly as I wanted it for myself.  That’s why I knew that telling them the good news would be as big of deal as when I first found out with my husband.  And they did NOT disappoint.  :)

I started off slow by telling our out-of-town bestie, Jen, via a Google Chat conversation.  Typing the words is much easier for me than getting my choked up voice to work.  Well, she knew the magnitude of emotions that would unfold as I told the other girls, and wanted to witness it all.  So we made a plan to Facetime her in to our weekly Girls Night under the guise that she wanted to discuss some wedding stuff.  Jen, our bride-to-be, is getting hitched in February.  We passed around the iPhone and gave everyone a chance to say their hellos to Jen and show off their adorable growing babies to her.  Meanwhile, I am sneakily setting up my video camera in the corner of the room.  I finally feel as though I’m ready to tell all of the girls that I’m pregnant, so I hit what I thought was the record button on my remote control, but in fact just ended up shutting the camera completely off.  I really fudged that whole thing up.  Plus, Brianne spotted the video camera and was like “Denise, are you recording us?  That is weird.  What is going on?”  So at this point I am frazzled and everyone is starting to say their good-byes to Jen.  She is freaking out because she’s on this Facetime call for one reason, and one reason only… and I STILL haven’t spilled the beans.  So the two of us are in a fit of giggles and she is telling me to get on with it already - through gritted teeth.  And that’s where we pick up with this video.  (Jen saved the day by recording what she saw on Facetime)  Sorry for the poor camera work on my part -- my hands were shaking like crazy.

Dara’s baby took an extra long nap this day so she was not present… but we all called her together afterward to let her know.  She cried too.  :) 

7 weeks

It was starting to feel like our first doctor’s appointment would never come!  I remember calling the office as soon as we found out we were expecting - and then again at 8:30am when they were actually open ;) - and they told me I wouldn't be coming in until December 31st!  It seemed like an eternity at that moment... and really for every moment after that until we were actually sitting in the waiting room.

Maybe it's because I haven't had any morning sickness, but in these first weeks it has been hard to believe that there is actually a new life growing inside me.  I worried a few times that maybe, in fact, there wasn't.  But now I know that instead of worry, my heart should be filled with joy and gratitude because there is undoubtably a tiny little Duffin cooking in my oven.  Measuring exactly as it should with a heart flickering so strong it made me cry like a pregnant woman.  (Which if you're wondering, is MORE than 'crying like a baby'.  Am I right?  I'll write a letter about getting that saying changed.)

Bobby was excited as well.  He nearly crawled over top of me to snap pictures of the ultrasound screen with his phone.  And thank goodness he did, because the ones the doctor actually gave us don't even show the baby!  So here was our first glimpse at our little love:

Just a fuzzy shape on a screen, and the size of a blueberry... but loved to a greater depth than the deepest ocean.

I was given two days to revel in this joy before the first (and hopefully only) traumatic event of this pregnancy occurred.  The bloodwork.  I'm always a little jittery when walking into any situation where a needle will be stuck into my skin or blood will be removed from my body.  So I prepped quickly by 1. warning the lady that I was nervous, 2. taking some pre-poke deep breaths, and 3. closing my eyes - the most important step, in my opinion.  It started off just fine. The needle was in, and my blood was coming out.  It was creeping me out that I could feel a vibration in my vein every time she started a new vial.  I wanted my blood to stay inside of me so badly, but it was just *pumping* out and I could feel all of that effort.  The nurse was doing a decent job of trying to distract me.  She asked a bunch of questions about where I work and was complimenting my outfit, etc. - and I really thought I was going to make it through this experience just fine.  But the vials kept coming!!  I warned the nurse that I was starting to get dizzy and she said we were almost done.  Two seconds later I said "ok, it's getting really bad now", and that was all she wrote.  I completely passed out.  When I came back to earth the nurse was fanning me, there was another lady holding an ice pack to the back of my neck, and a third woman came running in, all out of breath, with some smelling salts in her hand.  Every inch of me was sweating and it took a moment for my eyes to come back into focus.  We all talked for a bit and they said that the color was returning to my face.  As I was drinking the juice they gave me, I looked over at the tray and saw the n.i.n.e. vials of blood that they took from my body.  NINE!  No wonder my body gave out.

So really, two things go without saying - I will never donate blood... and I will most certainly cry before my next bloodwork appointment.  My fear has exponentially multiplied.  :(

6 weeks

In pregnancy related news... I'm still having my occasional insomnia.  One night in particular was extra annoying because it felt like there was a waterfall in my mouth.  I don't know where all of the saliva was coming from but it felt like I needed to spit every 15 seconds.  Very strange.  I'm also starting to notice that three normal meals throughout the day is no longer going to cut it.  I end up feeling weak/ headache(y)/ knocking on death's door if I don't eat something small every couple of hours.  Luckily, I find myself drawn to healthy foods rather than junk - which makes me feel double awesome because my sweet babe should be getting everything it needs to grow grow grow... and yet I'm still at a weight gain of z.e.r.o. [high five!]
What do I miss so far?  That's easy.  COFFEE.  Coffee, I miss you so much I could cry.  The funny thing is, I never drank a ton of it before, but now that I know I can't have much, it's all I ever want.  waaaaaaaaaaaah.  Bobby and I always split a cup of coffee in the morning (yes, my regular portion is a 1/2 of a cup of coffee).  And now, I take 2 or 3 sips of mine and dump the rest down the sink.  And I mourn that wasted coffee, friends.  I mourn it.  I'm hoping that after our first appointment with the doctor I will be told that it's ok to drink my full 1/2 cup... but until then, I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Moving on -- We are certainly having ourselves a merry little Christmas!  Sharing our big news with our families has been an absolute blast.  This week we had to come up with a fun way to tell Bobby’s family.  So we headed to the mall to find something just right.  It took a little bit of creativity because his parents already have 3 grandchildren.  So wrapping up a mug that says "World's Greatest Grandma" wouldn't really get our point across.  And that's when Bobby spotted the PERFECT ornament.  We promptly had it personalized and we were all set!  Here it is in all it's cuteness:

And here is our plan in action:

5 weeks

Oh 5 weeks... you were decidedly less fun than 4 weeks.  As you can probably deduce from my face in this picture, my bizarre sleep patterns have continued. They even reached a new level of weirdness on Wednesday when I got out of bed at 3:45am with a fiery compulsion to eat a bowl of Wheaties.  I dutifully did as my body demanded and then proceeded to fall asleep on the couch for the next 3 hours.  This tiny, sweet-pea-sized baby is already in complete control.  I've also been experiencing a perpetual feeling of (for lack of a better way of explaining it)... gas.  It just feels like an unburstable bubble of air in my stomach from sun up to sun down.  

With all this said, there has never been a happier period of time in my entire life.  Everything my husband does is suddenly adorable.  

The questions he asks 

The things he does to be helpful

The fact that he has referred to the baby as "she" on more than one occasion.  There has been no indication of a gender yet, of course.  I think that he has just gotten used to living with all girls -- ya know, me and the dog.  

I'm just completely enamored.  [Stay tuned for changes on this front.  hahahha.  I hear I'm supposed to become extra moody at some point.]

This week I also purchased Little Duff's crib.  Yes, I know - it's very premature.  But it's one of the few things that I am completely positive about, whether this baby is a boy or a girl.  Since we still hadn't told anyone the news, I had to find some sort of outlet for my excitement.  So here it is... the place where our sweet babe will rest his/her head...

After you get a fortune like this with your Kung Pao shrimp from PF Changs, an emotional pregnant girl is bound to make a few early nursery purchases.  

Bobby and I decided that sharing the news with our families on Christmas would be incredibly fun.  The Walters side of the family was celebrating and exchanging gifts on December 22nd, so we got to surprise them a few days early.

I handed my parents a small stack of pictures that I had printed for them.  They were family shots from my grandfather's 90th birthday and Thanksgiving.  The big surprise was a picture of the positive pregnancy tests that I cleverly snuck in at the end.

This is the happiest I've ever been

Oh my goodness, I'm finally pregnant!  We've been waiting for this day for about 2.5 years and I think I'm still having a hard time believing that it has finally happened.

The past month went a little something like this:  It was Thanksgiving morning and although I was enjoying all that God has blessed me with in my life - my husband and our funny little dog, our health, our home, our extended families - I remember just standing in the kitchen and out of nowhere I started to cry.  Just silent tears pouring down my face.  Bobby came over, saw my face, and wrapped his arms around me.  He asked what was wrong but I really couldn't explain the complex feelings and thoughts I was having.  [A longing for us to finally be able to conceive, yet a strong faith that it would someday still happen for us, coupled with the guilt of not being fully content with what I already had.]  So I simply said "I'm just really emotional today."  But I knew he completely understood what was hurting my heart because he just stood there and held me.  But more so than Bobby understanding, God understood as well.  Because He answered our prayers that day.  We finally conceived our child.

Of course we didn't know it that day... so we carried on as usual.  

But there was a new fervor for prayer inside of me.  Pastor Bob had recently said something in one of his messages that reminded me that for as badly as I wanted to become a mother, I definitely wasn't praying and asking God as often as I should have been.  So this past month I had poured my heart out around ten times per day -- Lord, please bless us with a baby.  We want to be parents.  We want to grow our family.  Nothing is impossible for you, God. -- I did this when I woke up in the morning, while I was driving to work, in the shower, anytime during the day that it crossed my mind.

He answers prayers, people!!!!

sidenote:  It's funny how the perfect song can come into your life at the perfect time.  This song was on constant rotation inside my head this past month.  It reminded me to stay hopeful because God is in control and He can do anything.  The part that says "Nothing is impossible for you.  You hold my world in your hands." still just makes me absolutely w.e.e.p.

The first sign that something was up happened on Friday, December 7th, 2012.  I am normally the world's greatest sleeper.  I get into bed and within five minutes I am sound asleep and out cold for the next 8-9 hours.  It is glorious.  However, I got into bed on Thursday night and my normal ease of sleep was gone!  I woke up Friday morning (well, I can't even say that since I don't think I ever actually fell asleep) and I wondered "What happened?  Why all the tossing and turning?  Do I have a lot on my mind?"  It was all such a mystery.  And for someone who normally sleeps so great - to the point that I have bragged about it - it was all slightly miserable as well.  Unfortunately, so far it seems as though this side effect is sticking with me.  Right now as I write this it is a Saturday morning... earlier than 6am.  Who am I??

So anyhow, besides the bogus sleep, I had also noticed some abnormal body aches, a weird reaction to being on a treadmill in a warm gym (slight nausea, but also more of like a panic feeling), and then while at work I had about a split-second of heartburn one day.

My period was due Monday, December 10th but was a no show.  I didn't get my hopes up because sometimes it can arrive up to a week late.  Wednesday (12/12/12 - now also known as my most favorite day of all time) was a vacation day from work for me.  So something inside me told me to take a pregnancy test that morning.  I guess I figured that if it were negative I could just kinda mope around in private... but if by God's great grace it were positive, I could have an entire day to celebrate and not worry about spilling the beans to the first person at work who asked "How's your day going?".

And that's when this happened:

We're not telling anyone yet.  Our families will be the first to get the news on Christmas. Our first doctors appointment is December 31st, which I hope will give me the confidence to tell all my besties that night at our New Years Eve party.

Chicago

We just got back from a quick trip to see what Chicago was all about.  Actually, Bobby was up there for business and once he was done with everything work related, I flew up there to meet him.  It was lots of fun because I got to see my old friend John-John the leprechaun, Bobby and I rode segweys again (what can I say... we’re hooked), and we just did lots of wandering around in the cold cold weather.  We saw that big bean shaped mirror thing, visited the Hancock Observatory, Navy Pier, and even had a few Ferris Buellers Day Off moments in the Art Institute of Chicago.  All in all it was a super fun trip!